"Scandalous But True: The Case of the Golden Earring"

Okay, so I just had to share to this because my mind just won’t allow me to erase the following image:

About two weeks ago I was in my car delayed by a traffic light at the corner of Flatbush and Parkside avenues. If you are familiar with this part of Flatbush then you know there is a bus top and Duane Reade at one corner and a Popeye’s Chicken on the opposite side of the street. As I waited impatiently for the light to turn from red to green, I couldn’t help but to notice the rather large woman whose gold earring fell from her ear as she was crossing the intersection. In an attempt to rescue and retrieve her precious belongings, the overweight woman -like any other woman-stopped dead in her tracks and bent down in the middle of the street to pick up the golden earring…

PAY CLOSE ATTENTION THIS IS WHERE THE STORY GETS INTERESTING, ACTUALLY IT GETS QUITE DISTURBING…

As I remained stalled in traffic by the red light (I know…this is a pretty long light) I had a front row seat and was privy to the action taking place in front of my 2003 Pontiac Vibe. The woman bent down to retrieve the earring and to her dismay and mine-lets be for real it was probably just to my dismay- the obese woman could not touch the ground! Not only did she try ONCE…she tried TWICE and unfortunately it was to no avail. The physical action that most of us take for granted -because we perform it several times a day with ease- as we salvage the items that slip from our finger tips onto the ground was painstakingly hard for this woman, who was no more than 35-38 years of age.

IT GETS WORSE…

At this point I felt sorry for the woman. I clearly am not 38 (I have about 10 years to go) but I think we all agree that 38 is still relatively young and if you take care of your body then it can still perform simple functions like RECAPTURING OBJECTS FROM THE GROUND!! Unfortunately this woman like many Americans (especially black Americans) had become a victim of obesity. Her weight was so debilitating that she was unable to perform every day tasks. As I watched from my car I could see the frustration on her face and then…she accepted defeat. The woman left the golden earring in the street; operation “Retrieve Earring” was now officially over.

I sat in my car and thought to myself; damn…she really could not touch the ground. I don’t ever want to get that big. It was at that very moment that the INSANE occurred; as I re-focused my attention back on the overweight woman who was now apparently moving on with her life, obviously forgetting what had just transpired 30 seconds ago, I watched and recoiled in horror as she continued to cross the intersection at Parkside and Flatbush avenue. Originating on the side of the street where the bus stop and Duane Reade are located the large woman had now made it to the other side of the street where she proceeded to walk into POPEYE’S CHICKEN AND PLACE HER ORDER!

WTF??!!!